Moving in together 101


In January I had a moment of total clarity: “Move to Waterloo!” I thought and all life’s problems were solved.

You see, my partner and I were at a bit of a crossroads. We’ve known each other for years but we didn’t start dating until I moved away (from Waterloo) to Toronto (life, you so funny). I moved to pursue a career in film and television and low and behold, I’ve done just that! I have a great career in Toronto and all of my friends have slowly moved here to be young and cool with me. But now I’m almost 25, and after over 2 years of dating my main man, it was time for a decisions to be made. Would he move here, or would we move somewhere in between?

I couldn’t fathom trying to raise a family in the city of Toronto (honestly, I just don’t like it here that much), and commuting from the GTA just made me feel like I’d be missing out on life just so I could say I worked in Toronto. My job, however much is it important, is not as important as me being present in my life.

So back to January, I realized I should just move to Waterloo! I slapped on a timeline of January 2014, which would give me a year to fulfil any visions of my Toronto life I had left and also to give my partner and I a chance to let the prospect of living together sink in.

Some people move in together on a whim, especially when they live close-by and its like, “well I’m here all the time anyway!” But when you live in different cities you have the opportunity to really think about it, which contrary to what my friends might do, is a good idea.

To me, being married and living together is the same thing. You have real conversations about goals, timelines, budgets, finances, and troubleshooting. You have to compromise everything and struggle together to make this whole “partnership” thing work. It’s no longer the “Me Show” and that in itself is a huge adjustment especially after having decades of it to revel in. So we decided our “Me Shows” had a year until they were being cancelled. We are allowing each other to make this last year as epic as possible so we’re not silently resenting the other person for cancelling their favourite series.

And already I’m noticing and adjusting to this compromise business. I wanted a more expensive dining room table, he refused to buy it (and now he regrets it). So instead of being grumpy pants, we decided we will buy a cheap table and paint it a fun blue colour to keep our style in check… Then I wanted a 3 bedroom house rental,  but he wanted something smaller and more affordable while we transition, so I’ve had to bring myself back to reality a bit more.

When things don’t go my way, I find myself reacting negatively. I’ve always had things my way and nobody could say otherwise. But now, its a team effort.

Fortunately, his perspective is a realistic one: he doesn’t wants us to stretch ourselves financially so that tensions don’t intensify between us and this whole ordeal ends in a breakup. Which happens ALL THE TIME. So he’s a wise man and keeps me grounded.

The biggest lesson I’ve learned 6 months after this decisions is that my perfect solution will be a solution full of unexpected surprises. More than fancy tables or lavish apartments, I will finally get to wake up to the person I love everyday and that is all I could ever want.


2 thoughts on “Moving in together 101

  1. Great post, great perspective.

    I moved in with my partner slightly more than a year ago and you learn a lot from each other. After looking past the small stuff, its really the present that matters. Congrats to both of you, and wishing you a great time in Waterloo.

    P.S. Trick is to tell him that you’ll be in-charge of the small decisions and he can take charge of the big decisions – and then there will never be “big decisions” to be made. 😉

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